my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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