i was rollin on her like bob the builder
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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