um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
