Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
