I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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