Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
