That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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