we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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