my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
