just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize