I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
