Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
