My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
