i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
