Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
