Tell her she can't have a vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So vagazzling was a success
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize