Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
