I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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