All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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