my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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