So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
