plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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