Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
