Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
