one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
