I'm drive I can fine osifer
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
