Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
