Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
