Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How does one acquire holy water?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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