Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
