He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
