I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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