carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
