Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
