living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
