She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
