I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
