keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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