jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
