He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
