I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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