You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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