just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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