you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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