I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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