great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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