I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
