I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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