What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
