After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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