All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
