and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
