This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
