Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
