Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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