I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
