Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize