I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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