We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
