Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
