Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
