he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize