Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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