I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
