I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
