whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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