everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
