I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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