You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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